gift

are we so fickle, that we even forget who we are? could it be that bad? i know everyone changes. some constantly and some periodically. although we do adhere to the changes, we have to remain consistent. we are given free will. but we take that, and obliterate the very meaning. i am definitely not one to talk. i am filth...i am the definition of sin...i think shitty thoughts...i do shitty things. love is not expected. but everyone expects to be loved. i want to love more. and not some bullshit excuse to gain anything. there is absolutely nothing i want.....

songs are sung about it. books are written about. art is created out of it.

there is no passion without first being able to love. and passion is what gives us a desire and a longing to experience and create.

why wouldn't anyone want to be a small part in this?

just another random thought...

I am not a fan of awkward conversation. And from my knowledge, I don't think many people are. For instance, when you go with your best friend to a bar and you hear your name from across the room....even a bit louder than the mumbling crowd. You turn to find someone you haven't seen in quite a while. It always begins with a "hey man, how's it going?" Then I say, "It's going well. How are you?" "Doing well," they reply. Blah blah blah....It goes on and on for as long as you want it to, but dies out after about a minute and twenty seconds. (Maybe even sooner)

Take that awkward conversation and turn it into something awesome. Something that could possibly be even more ungainly, but not to you at all.

Rewind all of the way back to the "How's it going, man?" Then maybe I can respond with a, "funny you ask....I was at this anime convention last week....it was my first time to go and was totally crazy. I dressed up like pokemon and took a few people bowling. This dude threw up on me, but it was a PARTY! How have you been?" Random, I know. But it works. The awkwardness is no more. Maybe for 2 reasons; 1) They are a bit weirded out by you now, so they end it quickly. 2)The story helped to break the ice and leads in to more meaningful conversation.

there's no preparing...

The last six months have been completely overwhelming, and crazy...striking a blow to every part: relationships, job, personal life.

It's hard to realize how much can happen within a matter of months. I can sit on my front porch, and my mind is like a wheel that spins continually with thoughts of every kind....mostly life in it's most complicated form. I don't understand it. Maybe it's not for me to understand it. On top of the randomness, I feel I have been so back and forth, so inconsistent. And I can't stand inconsistency. I was becoming the opposite of what I wanted to be, and it did seem kind of hopeless (at first). But I believe nothing or no one is hopeless.

We all have a season, and that season will pass. There is no time frame of when it will begin and end, but it sheds who we are as people; everything we are made of and who we have become....the strength, faith, commitment, reason, honesty, and love.

Everyone has a weakness. And that weakness will, without end, be tested. And maybe it will reveal who we are, maybe it won't. But I know for me personally, I am weak. And there is only one way out of the pale light.

We can only move forward because staying stagnant leaves us vulnerable, and ultimately we become a place where parasites feed.

Change is inevitable. But through change, there is growth. We just have to........LIVE. And remain consistent.